"Way too soon to feel so strong

Way too young to hurt so long."

- Last Dance by Dua Lipa 

We should never act like we know what others are going through. 

We shouldn't judge.

 We all struggle. 

Life isn't a perfect fairytale for anyone. 

Challenges and setbacks are and always will be part of it. 

Be respectful and, most importantly, be kind to one another. 

💙💙💙

"Rock bottom will teach you lessons that mountaintops never could."

Share Your Struggles

Not a single word has been easy to write. However, my mind takes me to a couple of months ago, when it was ME reading YOUR words. When I thought I was completely alone but you were brave enough to let me know that there's a lot of people that (unfortunately) are fighting this very same battle. By understanding exactly what I was going through, you showed me that I was everything but hopeless. You showed me that I've been very strong and that even though I feel exhausted, there’s still a lot of fight left in me. So now it's my time to be brave. I'm not going to let anxiety or insecurity or even this frailty take the best of me. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that tomorrow is going to be a better day. Not only for me but also for the ones who witnessed my decay and never left my side, no matter how messed up the situation got. 

One step at a time. 

Being patient. 

I know I’ll get there.

Share some of your struggles. You can make a difference. Even when you don't realize that’s what you're doing.

It feels like I was sound asleep and I only woke up when I hit the ground and felt so much pain that I couldn't even breathe properly.

The Power Of Anxiety

Something wasn't right. I was changing. I was turning into someone so different but I was so overwhelmed by the way I was feeling that I couldn't even see. The only thing I knew was that something wasn’t right. 

For so long I tried to focus on responsibilities (some of them not even being mine) and I didn't give much importance to the way I was feeling. I thought I would get over it. I heard a lot of "Oh, you're fine" and, my personal favorite, "That's just in your head". With no follow-up. What’s that supposed to mean? That when there's something happening in your head you can just snap your fingers and you're good? That’s not how it works. Doctors (general practitioners) would tell me that I was fine. Nothing was wrong with me. I knew that couldn't be true. I felt lost. I felt hopeless. Eventually, I believed that they were right and I was wrong. I tried to move on. There was nothing left to do. I was supposedly fine. 

The symptoms wouldn't disappear. I tried to cope the best way I could. Tried to have a normal life. Didn't work. Ignoring the problem never does. 

It took me a long while to truly accept that I was desperate for help. That I couldn't live that way anymore. Took me even longer to ask for it. 

I've always wanted to be helpful. I used to think that I could help everyone. I grew up doing the best I could to take care of my mom until it wasn't only the two of us anymore. I gave a lot of myself (still do) to make sure my grandparents have everything they could possibly need and feel the best way possible considering what they’re going through. Having them here, I had to deal with situations that scared me like never before. Witness circumstances that never fail to hurt me. Back to helping mom. She’s my favorite person in the world and I could never allow her to carry all this responsibility and its consequences by herself. It wasn't easy to admit to myself that this time it was me who needed help. I was ashamed but most of all I thought I was being weak. I wasn't right about that either. 

I can see now that there's nothing to be ashamed of. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you need help. There's nothing wrong with getting it. I know it is not easy to ignore all the noise surrounding you but, at the end of the day, you need to realize that the power is within you. You decide. Even if some people don't agree or don't understand, you can still choose the way you believe to be the right path for you. So I did. It was the best decision I could ever make for myself. I don't feel alone anymore. 'Cause truly I never was. You're not either. 

It's hard for me to remember a day when I wasn't struggling with what I now know to be an anxiety disorder. It consumed me and took over every aspect of my life. Not anymore. 

If you're going through something similar, I hope you learn from my experience. Be brave and get the help you deserve. I'm not going to tell you that you are fine. We both know that's not true. However, I can tell you that you won't feel that way forever. You have to work hard and be patient but you'll learn. You'll grow. You will slowly start to heal. It will all fall into place. Better days will come. For both of us. 

Gratitude

This year I spent a lot of time in the dark. Nevertheless, I'm incredibly thankful for all I've been through and all the valuable lessons I've learned. 

I'm thankful for the toxic relationships that finally came to an end. They showed me how important it is to put myself first, which is something I haven't been doing for too long. 

I'm thankful for the outstanding new places that I had the opportunity to visit, which will always have a special spot in my heart. They will always represent a significant step forward on a meaningful journey. 

I'm thankful for every single person in my life who didn't leave my side. You are the ones who've been loving me for who I am, even when I couldn't see who that was anymore. I know how lucky I am to be part of this family and I plan on cherishing you forevermore. 

I'm especially thankful to every person who has been brave enough to share their struggles with the world. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough for the difference you made in my life. You were the first ones to be there for me. You were the help I was too proud to ask for. It's very clear to me that by sharing your stories you were paving the way for progress on my own. There was a time when I thought that I was broken beyond repair but you knew that I could reach way beyond that. So you made sure the tools were out there, waiting for me to be ready to believe it too. 

What are you grateful for?

I Have Questions

"I'm way too young to be this hurt

I feel doomed

Staring straight up at the wall

Counting wounds and I am trying to numb them all."

- I Have Questions by Camila Cabello

Save Yourself

If you don't fight, no amount of meds or therapy will ever be enough to save you. They just help you find the tools you need to be able to save yourself. 

#BeBrave 

Anxiety

Heart racing.

Racing like it never did before. 

Like it will soon jump out your chest.

The simple act of standing seems to be a challenge now. 

Every single trace of strength already left your body. 

You can feel its absence in every heavy breath you take. 

Breathing appears to be a game for the brave. 

For the first time, you truly don't believe you can be that anymore. 

Not today. 

That's when you realize that handling the situation on your own can no longer be an option. 

It's suddenly very clear that you're not able to work normally anymore. 

But being normal is not really important here.

Being healthy is. 

You act like a stranger in a group of friends. 

You act like a ghost around the house.

If you weren't sure about needing help, you're definitely sure now. 

"Eu aprendi com o tempo que é muito mais gostoso ser feliz na humildade a ser triste no orgulho."

- Fred Elboni 

I gave until there was nothing left to give. 

"(...) their blood has seeped into my DNA and I refuse to let their sacrifices be in vain."

Without Me

"Gave love 'bout a hundred tries

Just running from the demons in your mind

Then I took yours and made 'em mine

I didn't notice 'cause my love was blind."

- Without Me by Halsey 

"A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep

In dreams, you will lose your heartaches 

Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday 

Your rainbow will come smiling through

No matter how your heart is grieving 

If you keep on believing 

The dream that you wish will come true."

- A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes, Produced by Walt Disney Records 

Because Of You

"My heart can't possibly break 

When it wasn't even whole to start with."

- Because Of You by Kelly Clarkson

"(...) but then I realized that I was holding on to something that didn't exist anymore. That the person I missed didn't exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we can wish they wouldn't all day long, but that never works."

- Fixing Delilah by Sarah Ockler 

"(...) and I realize that remains is the wrong word. The ashes of a body are just that - ashes. The dust of our bones. What remains are the people she left behind. The wave of history and love, however confusing and imperfect, she left for her family."

- Fixing Delilah by Sarah Ockler 

"It's just that my family is really great at burying things and pretending to move on."

- Fixing Delilah by Sarah Ockler 

"It's harder to dig up the old bones and sift through the dirt than it is to let them rest in peace."

- Fixing Delilah by Sarah Ockler 

"(...) and in the space between our lives, he's grown and changed as I have - separate, away, strangers who are still connected by some weird cosmic rubber band, stretched apart for nearly a decade only to be snapped back together in this moment (...)".

- Fixing Delilah by Sarah Ockler 

"(...) and I wonder how much we don't see. How much of our lives we witness and accept as truth when the rest of the iceberg - the heaviest, bulkiest part - is buried and invisible."

- Fixing Delilah by Sarah Ockler 

"He helped me run away from myself without really going anywhere."

- Fixing Delilah by Sarah Ockler 

"And now that I've had the real thing, I'm not going to settle for anything less."

- Fixing Delilah by Sarah Ockler 

"It had taken years to put themselves back together, and so what if some things didn't get put back in the right place? 

At least they could hold themselves up. 

Most of the time."

- Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

"Sometimes writing is running downhill, your fingers jerking behind you on the keyboard the way your legs do when they can't quite keep up with gravity."

- Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

I finally realized that it doesn't matter if I'm able to go through this alone or not. 

What matters is that I don't have to. 

This Girl

"This girl ain't going anywhere

This girl ain't going anywhere

I can promise you this

Now I know for sure

This girl ain't going anywhere."

- This Girl by Lauren Daigle 

Lovely

"Thought I found a way

Thought I found a way out

But you never go away

So I guess I gotta stay now

Oh, I hope someday I'll make it out of here

Even if it takes all night or a hundred years

Need a place to hide but I can't find one near

Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear

Isn't it lovely

All alone

Heart made of glass

My mind of stone

Tear me to pieces

Skin to bone

Hello

Welcome home

Walking out of time

Looking for a better place

Something's on my mind

Always in my head space

But I know someday I'll make it out of here

Even if it takes all night or a hundred years

Need a place to hide but I can't find one near

Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear

Isn't it lovely

All alone

Heart made of glass

My mind of stone

Tear me to pieces

Skin to bone

Hello

Welcome home."

- Lovely by Billie Eilish & Khalid 

Let You Love Me

"I think I run away sometimes 

Whenever I get too vulnerable 

That's not your fault 

See I wanna stay the whole night 

I wanna lay with you 'till the sun's up

I wanna let you inside 

Oh, heaven knows I've tried

I wish that I could let you love

Wish that I could let you love me

I wish that I could let you love

Wish that I could let you love me 

Say

What's the matter, what's the matter with me?

What's the matter with me? Oh I wish,

That I could let you love 

Wish that I could let you love me now

Oh I wish, oh I wish, oh I wish, oh I wish, I 

Oh I wish, oh I wish, oh I wish, oh I wish, I 

And every time I push away

I really wanna say that I'm sorry

But I say nothing."

- Let You Love Me by Rita Ora 

"The kindest, sweetest soul with demons he never deserved."

- Ariana Grande 

What I do never seems to be good enough for you. 

Angry

You keep saying you're dangerous

That I wouldn't want to get on your bad side

Use threats as a weapon 

Act like everyone owes you something

But there's one thing you are forgetting:

When the bubble bursts

I can be dangerous too

Maybe even more than you. 


(This is about anger. Everyone eventually has negative feelings. That doesn't make you a bad person though. Just remember that acting on those feelings can never have a positive outcome.)

Only You

"(...) And I'll follow right down the river

Where the ocean meets the sky

To You

Once upon a time, we had it all

Somewhere down the line we went and lost it

One brick at a time we watched it fall

I'm broken here tonight and darling no one else can fix me

Only you

Only you

And no one else can fix me 

Only you

Only you."

- Only You by Cheat Codes & Little Mix 

Exhaustion

Disconnected from reality 

Disconnected from my own self 

Don't even know who that is anymore 

Can't focus on what you're saying 

Can't even see your face straight 

Somehow I find a way to answer

But it doesn't make sense 

Sometimes I lose consciousness 

But one thing I know for sure

No matter how many times I droop

My will shall be my cure

Breathin'

The worst feeling in the world to me?

Not being able to breathe.

Be brave. Gotta keep on breathin'. 

I believed in the possibility of a day when I would finally be free.

I finally realized that is something I'll never be.

I was putting my faith in karma,

'cause only hope survives.

You'll always find a way to haunt me, 

To mess up our lives.



It's time to put my faith in myself. 

Terrible at lying, 

Master of pretense,

Not fooling anyone but myself.

"Pain

But I won't let it turn into

Hate

No, I won't let it change me.

(...) This soul of mine will never break (...)"

- Shawn Mendes ft. Khalid - Youth

Say Something

"She has a way of

Brushing up on me whenever she walks by

Swears it's an accident but

Every now and then I think I see her smile

Is it my imagination? 

What I'm reading between the lines 

And I don't know if she's playing

But I ain't the one for wasting time 

And I don't know if she's just flirting or playing platonic

But one thing I do know, she's messing around with my mind

And if I make a move, I don't know if I'ma regret it 

But bust it 'cause I know she's one of a kind

Say something 

Why you keep playing these games with me?

Would you say something 

'Cause I'm getting tired of the hide and seek

We keep going round in circles, going round in circles

Can't keep playing with my heart 

Would you say something

Say, say something to me

Say something to me 

I don't know why I 

Get so messed up when she's with other guys

Why do I get so possessive?

When the truth is that she ain't even mine 

Is it just infatuation? 

'Cause when I'm with her I touch the sky

And I can't even see it 

I guess it's true that love is blind 

And I don't know if she's just flirting or playing platonic

But one thing I do know, she's messing around with my mind

And if I make a move, I don't know if I'ma regret it 

But bust it 'cause I know she's one of a kind

Say something 

Why you keep playing these games with me?

Would you say something 

'Cause I'm getting tired of the hide and seek

We keep going round in circles, going round in circles

Can't keep playing with my heart 

Would you say something

Say, say something to me

Say something to me."

- Say Something To Me by HRVY

Oldie but Goodie

Today I was feeling a little bit nostalgic and started browsing through some old photos. When I came across this one, I realized it's still one of my favorite pictures of myself. I remember the day I took it. I always thought of photographs (nowadays this would be considered a selfie) as a way to cherish memories forever. Keeping that in mind, I used to carry my digital camera around (yes, not my smartphone) and simply took pictures. I didn't care if I was using makeup or if I was wearing the right outfit. I didn't care about posing a certain way or choosing the right angle. 

Currently, we have Instagram. One's timeline can be seen as a reflection of their life. However, sometimes it feels like none of it represents the truth. People take photos keeping in mind what others will think of them and what they think is acceptable. 

When I took this photo I was just being myself (even though I still struggle to find out exactly who that is). I was having a wonderful day and I was feeling comfortable in my own skin. That's it. And that's why it still is one of my favorites. 

We Can Do Better

"I know it hurt bad, your mom left your dad 

When you were a little girl

You think I'm gonna leave 'cause history repeats 

We've seen it around the world

Oh, all that we're told is this will get old 

We'll cheat and we'll both get hurt

Against all the odds we'll pray to the gods

That this love works 

When all we see is bad blood and mistakes

All we hear are sad songs 'bout heartbreaks

And no matter how long it takes

We're not gonna give up 

We can do better 

(...)

Things can get rough, we might drink too much

And say things we shouldn't say

Forgive and forget 'fore we go to bed

And we're gonna be okay

Some people pretend it's not gonna end 

And end up then walk away

But that isn't me, I'm not gonna leave

I'm here to stay

When all we see is bad blood and mistakes

All we hear are sad songs 'bout heartbreaks

And no matter how long it takes

We're not gonna give up 

We can do better."

- We Can Do Better by Matt Simons 

My Apology

I'm deeply sorry 

I'm sorry for the opportunities I lost because I was too afraid to take a step forward.

For living too much inside my own head, stuck with my endless thoughts. 

For letting my anxiety get the best of me. 

For letting negative past experiences take the wheel in my life.

For letting myself be paralyzed by fear.  

I'm sorry to the people I didn't get to connect with because I never gave them a chance to.

To the ones I truly cared about but lost anyway, only having my own self to blame.

I'm sorry for any pain that I may have caused you

and for the negativity I brought into your life.

For the discomfort and the awkwardness. 

For not fighting for you. 

I really am sorry 

In My Blood

"Is there somebody who can help me?

It's like the walls are caving in 

Sometimes I feel like giving up 

No medicine is strong enough

Someone help me 

I'm crawling in my skin 

Sometimes I feel like giving up

But I just can't

It isn't in my blood

Eu vou acreditar

Que vamos conseguir

Que vamos conquistar 

Nós somos Portugal

Uma só voz

E um coração."

- Shawn Mendes x Portugal (FPF Official World Cup Song)

You Let Me Walk Alone

" I tried my best and I came so far

But you will never know

'Cause you let me walk this road alone."

- You Let Me Walk Alone by Michael Schulte 

Give Your Heart A Break

"The day I first met you

You told me you never fall in love

But now that I get you

I know fear is what it really was 

Now here we are 

So close

Yet so far

Haven't I passed the test?

When will you realize

Baby I'm not like the rest 

Don't wanna break your heart

I wanna give your heart a break 

I know you're scared it's wrong

Like you might make a mistake

There's just one life to live

And there's no time to wait, to waste

So let me give your heart a break."

- Give Your Heart A Break by Demi Lovato

Fall In Line

"Little girls 

Listen closely

'Cause no one told me 

But you deserve to know 

That in this world 

You are not beholden

You do not owe them

Your body and your soul

All the youth in the world will not save you from growing older

And all the truth in a girl is too precious to be stolen from her

It's just the way it is 

And maybe it's never gonna change 

But I got a mind to show my strength 

And I got a right to speak my mind 

And I'm gonna pay for this 

They're gonna burn me at the stake 

But I got a fire in my veins

I wasn't made to fall in line 

No, I wasn't made to fall in line."

- Fall In Line by Christina Aguilera ft. Demi Lovato 

I Have Questions

"My name was safest in your mouth

Why'd you have to go and spit it out?

Your voice was the most familiar sound

But it sounds so dangerous to me now."

- I Have Questions by Camila Cabello

Mirror

I look at my reflection in the mirror and all I see

is a shadow of the girl I used to be

Back To You

"You can break my heart in two 

But when it heals, it beats for you."

- Back To You by Selena Gomez 

Fly Away

"I wish that I could fly

Into the sky

So very high

Just like a dragonfly

I'd fly above the trees

Over the seas

In all degrees

To anywhere I please."

- Fly Away by Lenny Kravitz

Smile

"A warm smile is the universal language of kindness."

"Inspiration fires you up. Motivation keeps you burning."

"Closing my eyes doesn't help. Fire burns brighter in the darkness."

- from Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

In The Dark

"Runnin', runnin' away from it

You can strip down without showing skin

(...)

So tell me

Who are you in the dark?

Show me the scary parts

Who are you when it's 

3 Am and you're all alone

And L.A. doesn't feel like home?

Who are you in the dark?"

- Camila Cabello

A Million Dreams

"I close my eyes and I can see

The world that's waiting up for me

That I call my own

Through the dark,

Through the door,

Through where no one's been before

But it feels like home    

They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy

They can say, they can say I've lost my mind

I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy

We can live in a world that we design 

Cause every night I lie in bed

The brightest colors fill my head

A million dreams are keeping me awake

I think of what the world could be

A vision of the one I see

A million dreams is all it's gonna take

A million dreams for the world we're gonna make

There's a house we can build 

Every room inside is filled 

With things from far away

The special things I compile 

Each one there to make you smile

On a rainy day

They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy

They can say, they can say we've lost our minds

I don't care, I don't care if they call us crazy

Runaway to a world that we design

Every night I lie in bed

The brightest colors fill my head

A million dreams are keeping me awake

I think of what the world could be

A vision of the one I see

A million dreams is all it's gonna take

A million dreams for the world we're gonna make".

- from The Greatest Showman Soundtrack

Crowded Room

"Here in this crowded room

Under the pale white moon 

Blinded and lost in the lights

Looking for somewhere to hide

Surrounded by faces, laughter and voices

Alone here with everyone else

Here in this crowded room

I found everyone but myself."

- Crowded Room by Christina Grimmie

Colors

"Look how far we've come now, now, now, now

There's beauty in the unity we've found 

I'm ready, I'm ready

We still got a long way

But look how far we've come now, now, now, now

Hands up for your colors 

(...)

A new day has just begun
And I wear my colors on my back
We're created equal
One race and that's human
Can't wait 'till they all see, all see that

(...)

Look how far we've come now, now, now, now

There's beauty in the unity we've found 

I'm ready, I'm ready

We still got a long way

But look how far we've come now, now, now, now

Hands up for your colors 

(...)

Represent your country
Raise your flag

Show your true colors."

- Jason Derulo