Too Good At Goodbyes

"(...)

I know you're thinkin' I'm heartless

I know you're thinkin' I'm cold

I'm just protecting my innocence 

I'm just protectin' my soul 

I'm never gonna let you close to me 

Even though you mean the most to me 

'Cause every time I open up, it hurts

So I'm never gonna get too close to you 

Even when I mean the most to you

In case you go and leave me in the dirt. 

(...)

It's sad but it's true

I'm way too good at goodbyes".

- Sam Smith 

"(...) standing on the edge between their present and future, not quite ready to jump."

- Once And For All by Sarah Dessen 

Let Me Go

Inspired by Let Me Go (Hailee Steinfeld & Alesso):

You made plans while I made problems. You were making efforts while I was blindly pushing you away. We were back to back, we knew this thing wouldn't last, how could it? I've built these walls so high that you couldn't possibly climb them. I've been doing it for so long I never knew how to stop it. I wished for picture perfect but it seemed unreachable to me. Now I see that I had a picket white fence but I ended up painting it black. 

I wish I could say you had hurt me harder that I hurt you but we both know that wouldn't be true. 

I've been hoping somebody loves you in the ways I couldn't. Someone who doesn't have this much to change.

I understand why you had to let me go.

And in the end, I was trying to hold on to something I actually never allowed myself to have. 

That moment...

that huge moment...

when you hear a song and you finally feel something again.

Books

Today I will be writing about books.

I'm very passionate about them, I've always been. You could probably tell by my room. So many books and so many bookmarks.

These elements allow you to enter different worlds, "meet" different people and have adventures with them. When I'm reading, I find it so hard to "come back" to my world and my life because it felt so great to be part of something different and feel what the characters were feeling. Some of them will even stay with you forever.

Some books also inspire me to write. However, I believe that their most important purpose is to teach you lessons. Those are my favorite kind of books. When you finish them you feel like a different person and you are, you've grown because you learned something new that will be useful for your own life.

It's because of all that I mentioned that my absolute favorite book is The Orange Girl by Jostein Gaarder.

If you feel the same way as me, I would recommend you to read this one. So heartbreaking but at the same time it will enrichen your life.

I will continue writing, reading and finding gems that will always stay with me. In my heart and on my shelves ;)

Writer

"A lot of people feel like they need some kind of permission to be called a writer. (...) 

A writer is a person who can see through all this negativity and still feel passionate about writing. 

A writer wants to write and wants to figure out ways to make writing more a part of his life. There are some writers that are financially successful and others who haven't made a dime, but they are all still writers. (...)

If you have the desire to write and you can give yourself the permission to have this passion in your life then you are a writer."

- Bryan Cohen 

On My Way

"My words are wrapped in barb wire

My actions speak for what I can't say

'Cause I fall one step forward 

To push you away, push you away 

I wish that I could listen

To all the advice that I give away 

But it's hard to see things clearly 

Through all of the pain, all of the pain 

I'm caught in the rain, caught in the rain 

And my heart's too drunk to drive

I should stay away from you, tonight

But in this blacked out state of mind

Baby, all I want is you, tonight

When my head tells me no, my heart tells me go slow 

I'm hitting the road 'cause I 

I know my heart's too drunk to drive 

But I'm on my way to you

Yeah, I'm on my way to you. 

There's a million voices

Screaming that this love's a dead end road 

But the only voice that I hear is telling me go, telling me go

The sun is rising sober 

While passion fades and I'm on my own 

My helpless heart's hungover

I'm all out of hope, all out of hope 

(...)

And no wise words can stop me 

I'm passed the point of no return 

No matter how it hurts me 

I'm running to you, running to you.

And my heart's too drunk to drive

I should stay away from you, tonight

But in this blacked out state of mind

Baby, all I want is you, tonight

When my head tells me no, my heart tells me go slow 

I'm hitting the road 'cause I 

I know my heart's too drunk to drive 

But I'm on my way to you

Yeah, I'm on my way to you." 

- On My Way by Lea Michelle 

# Letter from my future self to my current self

Dear Diana,

I'm writing to you "today" so you'll remember what you promised so many years ago when life was so much easier. You said that you would always be true to yourself. Now you know that is not that easy to fulfill, right?

You're an adult now and life has become so much harder and much more challenging. I know you have been through a lot lately. So many decisions that you have to make and everyone around you trying to tell you what to do, what's best for you.

Now let me tell you something. The only person who will ever know what is best for yourself is you. Only you. When you have to make these decisions, please remember that your opinion is the one that matters most.

Always follow your instincts and your heart. I can promise you they will get you where you are supposed to be. If you never forget the advice that I'm giving you, you will go through a path that will take you to the goal that you most want to achieve in life: to be authentic.

I'm not telling you that is not going to be difficult, but you will make it.

Be yourself. There's no one quite like you. 

Love,

Diana

Freedom

Estou farta!

Estou farta de ser usada.

Estou farta de ser manipulada.

É incrível como são tantas as pessoas dissimuladas ao ponto de utilizarem algo puro, honesto, de uma forma que é tão maldosa, tão falsa. 

Estou farta de pensar que sou uma grande idiota por me preocupar com o bem-estar dos outros, muitas vezes bem mais do que com o meu. 

Já chega!

Prometo a mim mesma que, a partir de hoje, nunca mais vou permitir que me usem contra mim mesma. Não vou mais ser essa "idiota" que me faz sentir tão desiludida. 

Estou saturada, magoada, zangada...

Não vou mais ser prejudicada. 


And you will finally come across the consequences of your shameful actions. 

Pensam que eu sou fraca... mas vou mostrar-vos do que realmente sou feita.