And it always goes back to this. I'm crying. My eyes are empty and tears roll down my face. It gets hard to breath. The room starts spining. I feel like I'm going to faint. 

It would be easier if I did.

This happened so many times I already lost track of them. But I understood tonight that maybe that's a good thing. That means I've been strong enough to feel better again. What I don't understand is why do I get pushed to this all over again? I don't want to feel this way. I'm so scared. I read once that God would never put me through anything I can't handle but the truth is I don't feel like I can fight this anymore. Everytime it's like I'm falling into a black hole. And I'm scared one of this days I will. I'm so exausted. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. I'm losing myself. 

What will happen to me?